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A Day Of Reflection: My beliefs

I know this is very late.

I apologize. Life got in the way. A LOT.

But here goes.

Officially, so you have a name to grasp on to I am an agnostic deist.

But in reality, since names have associated connotations either in either a positive or negative direction I’d prefer if we left labels at the door.

This is mainly because people see agnostic, and lump me in with atheists. But I believe in God, for reasons I can’t quite quantify.

Basically, the core of my belief is that we cannot truly know or understand anything about God. Now this is basic logic…since we cannot understand infinity, we certainly cannot conceive of a being who exists beyond our finite existence.

And truly understanding infinity is impossible for a finite being. We can get the concept, or idea of infinity. But actually conceptualizing it doesn’t work. I know this because I’ve been trying since I was first introduced to the concept in mathematics.

Think about an apple. What do you know about an apple? You can probably imagine what it tastes and feels like…everything about it. You understand more than just the concept of the apple. While you may not know the cellular structure of an apple, someone does…it can be known.

Infinity is not something we can know, except as a concept.

Enough about that.

Everything else I believe is a heterogeneous mix of random things that I feel like must be true. I’ll admit it, I’m kind of a picker (think American Pickers) of beliefs. I find one, dust it off, hold it up to the light and if it has value and merit I keep it. If not, I cast it aside.

This means, for the most part, I don’t see the need for organized religion. I believe if you can establish and maintain a relationship with God that has nothing to do with a religion (which are wholly created by humanity in their search for God) why follow a doctrine that you don’t need?

It’s not easy. And I’m not some how saying I am better because I didn’t need religion. I’m just saying that is where I am in my journey…who knows where it leads? I like going to church, and I grew up in a great Christian community. But as with every group there were some hypocrites and I decided when I encountered them that I would never go to church if I couldn’t believe in the doctrine the church put forth.

Basically, the rock solid core of my beliefs is love.

Love for everyone, equality for everyone. I try to treat everyone like my family, and give them the benefit of the doubt. I work hard…not for reward but for satisfaction of a job well done. I do my best to appreciate the little things…basically I take something I learned in Boy Scouts to heart. I do my best. In everything.

Anyway, I hope that was some insight into my beliefs. If you have more questions or thoughts, feel free to comment or email me.

To steal an old old sign off from one of my friends,

Faith, Hope, and Love, always and forever


Halfway Down the Stairs…

Halfway down the stairs
is a stair
where i sit.
there isn’t any
other stair
quite like
i’m not at the bottom,
i’m not at the top;
so this is the stair
I always

Halfway up the stairs
Isn’t up
And it isn’t down.
It isn’t in the nursery,
It isn’t in town.
And all sorts of funny thoughts
Run round my head.
It isn’t really
It’s somewhere else

Now, if you are like me that poem by A. A. Milne sparks a lot of thoughts. Things like:

How often do we try and actually make it to the “top” of the stairs? Or do we just settle for the middle?

How nice would it be to actually have a place that’s not really anywhere just to stop and chill for a while? 

Can someone really be nowhere? Especially since we imbue objects with purpose, surely where we are is somewhere. 

Today, however I was really wishing for this place. Some place I could just go, and take a deep breath and calm myself. I talked to my boss today and he was very understanding, but I guess I just didn’t realize how much pressure I have been under from my family. I took this job at Boomtown because I felt like I had too. And it’s not a bad job by any means, but it’s about as far from what I want to do as you can get and I felt like I was trapped. And I am pretty sure that’s why I have been so sick the past few days…the stress from everything was just boiling over and making me physically ill. It certainly hasn’t been fun…

So I don’t know exactly what I will do yet, but I just can’t take this pressure.

So I leave you with two videos:


Smart phones…dumb prices.

I just don’t understand the pricing on the phones that I want…it seems ridiculous.

Xperia Play Pantech Breakout DROID Incredible 2 HTC Trophy Thunderbolt
Price(*) 99.99 149.99 199.99 199.99 249.99
4G Ready No Yes No No Yes
Memory 8 GB 8 GB 16 GB 16 GB 8 GB
Camera 5 MP 5 MP 8 MP Rear/ 1.3 MP Front 5 MP 8 MP Rear/ 1.3 MP Front
Mobile Hotspot Yes Yes Yes No Yes

So this is a table of the things that seem to matter, at least as I understand it, from the list of tech specs off of the Verizon Wireless site. So to me, the price differences make utterly no sense. If you care about your phone’s camera…get a digital camera. You can get an 8 MP camera for 50 bucks. Granted that’s the cheapest, but still. I can see paying a little more for memory, but don’t most smart phones have microSD slots to upgrade the memory? Also cheaper than paying 100 bucks more. Now the ONLY thing I can see is the 4g. I would be willing to pay more for that…but I don’t know how much faster it really is…not to mention if it is more per month. If it’s not significantly faster…then what’s the point?

So, the front runner is definitely the Xperia Play at this point. Unless one of my more smart phone loving tech savvy readers gives me a reason to pick another one.

Well, as always, thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy this installment, and see you next time!


So A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum…

Just finished watching my latest Netflix movie, It’s Kind Of A Funny Story. And ya know…it is kind of a funny story. How the main character felt is almost exactly how I felt in high school. I mean there couldn’t be anything wrong with me…I couldn’t be depressed. What reason did I possibly have? I realize now of course, on the other side looking back, that my friend April was right and I probably should have gotten some help. But I made it through…it was rough sometimes but I made it. And it wasn’t like I didn’t, or don’t have people to talk to. It’s more like I was raised not to hand off my problems to someone else. I mean, life doesn’t deal out anything I can’t handle right? I was always treated like I was smarter, and more put together but the truth was I always felt like it was a thin fragile little shell that I was balancing and dropping one little thing would lead to this huge cycle of failure and disappointment in me.

Now, of course, thanks to certain people who helped me throw off the zombie I had become and be a person again, and a couple of years of hardcore shyness slaughtering thanks to debate I actually have a face to present to the world instead of a facade. And more than that I think everyone around me recognizes that I move in a little circle of my own power instead of hanging onto the edges of other people like I always used to. I always envied the jocks, and the preppy kids in high school because it seemed like they were so confident and together for the most part, but I have a feeling that was all a lie kind of like mine was. It’s good to have come to a place where I actually am confident in my own abilities, and can find self motivation enough to actually WANT to get out and do things.

My bro, Paul posted a song on his Facebook tonight saying it was going through his head and it was such a blast from the past I have to share it with you. It kind of fits my mood tonight.

“I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down…”

So, it’s kind of a funny story…being reminded of how much I have changed from the kid I was. I can still remember everything if I try…and when I was depressed I cursed my memory because it was like raking my heart over hot coals. But that time of my life also taught me how to deal with sadness, and pressure, and stress so now I know that no matter what life brings, I will always be okay.

What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger, right?


Anyway, sorry for the sad stuff tonight, that movie got me thinking about the past. Tomorrow lookout for another game I really want! See you then!