Blog Archives

My Reason for the Season

Most people know the rhyme “Jesus is the reason for the season.” Well I respect all beliefs but as I don’t consider myself a Christian I certainly have other reasons I honor the holidays.

In a sentence: It’s not about religion, as much as it is about what they holiday represents.

The major holidays to me (and I will miss a few as I provide examples) all have a good solid reason for existing. Easter is about renewal and clearing the way for new things in your life. July 4th is about patriotism, and pride in our country. Halloween is about putting on a mask and being someone different for a night. Thanksgiving is about reflection on the blessings you have been given in your life. And I will elaborate on Christmas in a minute. Now arguably, there are other reasons these holidays exist…religious, historical, etc, but to me the most important reason is it’s something we do as a culture, and it brings us together both in small groups as friends and family, and in a much larger sense as an entire nation or species (in the case of the non US specific holidays). How amazing is it that across the globe, nearly every small child is rapt with anticipation of Santa Claus leaving them gifts.

But now to Christmas, and why I feel it’s so much more than the birthday of Jesus. That is what Christians celebrate, but all the religious holidays around this time of year have a similar purpose. They bring people together. All the holidays do that, sure, but Christmas time in particular it is the singular reason for the season. The “point” is to spend it around people you love.

I had a friend tell me the other day that “Christmas is just another day” (okay paraphrased…still) and I was shocked. It’s never been “just another day” to me. It has always been something special, even after I found out Santa Claus was a lie (although I played along for a few more years until I got my Mom and Aunt to admit it). Christmas is the one day a year you show people how much you love them. You may do this by giving them presents, or just sending out mass text messages (Sorry guys, poor college kid…guess what you are all getting this year?), but you do it because on this day more than any other it should be done.

That is the purpose of Christmas.

At least, in my opinion.

I hope, dear reader, you aren’t alone for Christmas, but if you are I love you and Merry Christmas! If you aren’t alone, then…well I guess my message is the same.

Merry Christmas everyone!!

CG

Valentine’s Day: Relationships and King Arthur

Okay, so I know this is a day late. But I have been thinking it over this long, I promise!!!

So of course being a post about Valentine’s I wanted to talk about relationships and my thoughts about them. I know what you are thinking. “Oh great, here comes the 12 page epic love poem, or the whiny emo rant about being alone.” Not at all. I was actually pleasantly surprised to find myself happy on Valentine’s Day. I enjoyed giving my closest friends Valentine’s like we were in third grade again, and generally had an average day otherwise. But I didn’t spend it curled up on my bed wishing I never had to get up again as I have in the past.

But as I analyzed the why, because I’m a freak like that and like to know why I feel a certain way, I started thinking. It’s because I have accepted a few things about being alone that apparently I hadn’t accepted until rather recently. And I am honestly not even sure when it happened. But first, before I get more into that let me talk about relationships.

Every successful relationship (the culmination of such being marriage) I have encountered has a common theme. As much as the partners in said relationship live together and move forward through life together it is a melding of equals. Both support and pursue their dreams equally. And I am sad to admit I have yet to have such a relationship. I have a bad tendency to either dominate or submit in a relationship, because either I am myself and become overbearing wiping the other person out, or I subsume parts of my personality in order to not dominate the relationship. Basically, I haven’t found anyone who is my equal. That sounds arrogant, but it’s not about intelligence or any real thing I can quantify as far as I can tell. The only word I have for it is soul mate.

And in my life I have experienced a lot of things. Good and bad, but honestly mostly good. That is part of what this blog was about, sharing my thoughts and insights with others hoping they could learn something from the wisdom I have gathered. But certain things have happened for a reason. For instance, my spiritual beliefs are very agnostic. I believe mere mortals cannot understand the underlying truth of the universe and that there are not only things man was not meant to know, but things man cannot know. This is a hard path to follow, and very lonely. But it is the one I believe God has sent me down. For some reason, He wants me to walk this path and I have faithfully believed in that since I affirmed my beliefs as an agnostic deist. In the end, I believe I will end up where He wants me, and in a good place.

But until Tuesday I had never considered my inability to find that special someone in the same light. I know you are thinking “OH NO! Here it is, finally! The emo rant!” I have spent many, many years being “alone” in the girlfriend sense. 7 years between high school and my last relationship, and now around a year and a half since the tumultous 6 month long distance relationship. One of my friends made the statement, “I am not any prettier than you are, and I know I could get plenty of girls. So go for it!” a few years back and my response was “I don’t want just any girl.” I realized at that point I was waiting for something special. I think that I have finally accepted that I am searching for someone truly amazing and that I may never find it, and why I wasn’t depressed this year on Singles Awareness Day.

I am sure you are still wondering what King Arthur has to do with all of this. I loved that story as a kid and it’s easy to see why. It has everything. Knights, nobility, chivalry, war, betrayal, truly epic love, and interwoven through all of it is the quest for one object: The Holy Grail. And the main character, King Arthur, even after being repeatedly told he is unworthy and will never find the Grail still keeps looking. He spends his entire life searching for the unattainable Grail, and the legend says he never found it although he knew that someone else did. But there was no jealousy in his heart from Gaiwan finding it, just acceptance and knowledge that he wasn’t done yet.

The lesson? I haven’t stopped searching for the truth or God just because I believe I truly couldn’t understand Him even if found. By the same thought, I won’t truly stop searching for my soul mate until I find her. Because even if I never succeed, the journey will be worth it.

 

CG out.

Walking Down Memory Lane…

Finally. Sorry I have been gone for so long. I have been moving, and then I was having trouble posting because my internet at my new place doesn’t seem to like WordPress much. I don’t know what changed but luckily I can post again. So…here we go.

 

Had the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner for my friend’s wedding tonight. It was…well a wedding rehearsal. The dinner part was…okay. But really the part I enjoyed was afterwards hanging out at my bro’s house with everyone. It’s so great to see all of my old high school friends again and talk about how they are doing in their lives. We have always been closer than just friends…more like a family, and when we get back together it’s like we never left. I hope we always stay that way…it’s a great feeling. It is especially great to have a support group outside of your family. I always feel like my family HAS to love me and support me, but my friends chose me. Or…well…we chose each other.

And one of them, who I have never really gotten along with kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Of course, she has been doing it for years so I don’t know why that would have changed. First she scolded me like I was five years old for using language she didn’t approve of. Which I respect the sentiment, and usually try and avoid using foul language around people who are bothered by it, but she could have been nicer about it. She also asked me if I knew about this big life changing decision she is making, and when I told her I knew already she launched into talking about it, and how she was kind of sad because if she did it she would miss going to our ten year high school reunion and seeing people’s reactions. I told her not to feel bad, that I would probably miss our ten year reunion too because I might be going to school far away. And she just kind of brushed it off and turned away from me. Self-absorbed much?

Then on top of that, if she does go for it, I feel like she is making a bad decision. I don’t feel like she has done everything she can with what she has. She has an amazing degree, and I assume a passion for what she studied in college, but didn’t do anything with it afterwards…I am guessing because it was probably too hard. I get that…I’ve written here before that I feel like I have never really challenged myself, and that I have always taken the easy way out and done just enough to scrape by. It is kind of funny, because I remember a time when she was in school that she made me feel like an utter failure for dropping out…and yet now I feel like she has completely given up on whatever her dreams were and is settling for a life-decision that she can’t take back. At least I am still trying to better myself and realize my dreams…although the last couple of weeks have been kind of bumps in my road. Thinking about all this tonight also reminds me of the best advice I ever got from my Dad and that was “You don’t fail until you stop getting up and trying again.” You hear similar things all the time, but coming from a man who barely graduated high school, dropped out of college, and still managed to create an amazing life for himself and touch so many people that my Mom’s church was full to overflowing with people to pay their respects when he passed was absolutely inspiring.

I just wish I was close enough to this girl to actually sit her down and say some of this and have it get across. But the truth is ever since I had a crush on her in high school we have never been close…maybe she thinks I still feel that way, I don’t know. I hate to see anyone in my adopted family, even someone who ruffles my fur more often than not, making such a permanent decision and not doing it for the right reasons.

But hey, maybe I’m wrong and she does have all the right reasons. Only God knows if she does.

CG

 

COMING SOON: Review of Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim….once all the wedding craziness dies down.