Halfway Down the Stairs…

Halfway down the stairs
is a stair
where i sit.
there isn’t any
other stair
quite like
it.
i’m not at the bottom,
i’m not at the top;
so this is the stair
where
I always
stop.

Halfway up the stairs
Isn’t up
And it isn’t down.
It isn’t in the nursery,
It isn’t in town.
And all sorts of funny thoughts
Run round my head.
It isn’t really
Anywhere!
It’s somewhere else
Instead!

Now, if you are like me that poem by A. A. Milne sparks a lot of thoughts. Things like:

How often do we try and actually make it to the “top” of the stairs? Or do we just settle for the middle?

How nice would it be to actually have a place that’s not really anywhere just to stop and chill for a while? 

Can someone really be nowhere? Especially since we imbue objects with purpose, surely where we are is somewhere. 

Today, however I was really wishing for this place. Some place I could just go, and take a deep breath and calm myself. I talked to my boss today and he was very understanding, but I guess I just didn’t realize how much pressure I have been under from my family. I took this job at Boomtown because I felt like I had too. And it’s not a bad job by any means, but it’s about as far from what I want to do as you can get and I felt like I was trapped. And I am pretty sure that’s why I have been so sick the past few days…the stress from everything was just boiling over and making me physically ill. It certainly hasn’t been fun…

So I don’t know exactly what I will do yet, but I just can’t take this pressure.

So I leave you with two videos:

 

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Christmas, Faith, and the Weird Stuff

So, time for another blog…it seems like I wait until my mental cup is overflowing and then get it out in a single cleansing purge…but so here goes nothing.

Someone on my Facebook today mentioned that she asked a little boy if he was ready for Christmas and he said he hadn’t told Santa but it was okay because he would know what he wanted anyway. She seemed kind of bothered that this little boy apparently decided Santa was omniscient, but she has no problem believing in God.

Here are my thoughts, which granted are the thoughts of an agnostic deist so they certainly won’t be Christian. Christmas is about so much more than Jesus Christ. If that was all it was about why would a non-Christian celebrate it? Just to give gifts or put themselves in debt? No. It has become a secular holiday as well, and represents family coming together and spending quality time. It represents a renewal of the bonds of love and friendship that hold people together. Now to Christians obviously it means something more. But Santa does not represent some BIG EVIL degradation of Christmas, and this is why.

Santa (as well as all those other silly things kids believe in like the Easter Bunny) teaches kids how to have faith. If you sit your child down and tell him or her “It’s silly to believe in Santa, can you prove he exists?” how can you expect them to believe in a God who they cannot prove the existence of? Kids believe in the magic of the world because they want to. They have an undying faith that the world is good, amazing, and magical. Yes, we live in a world of harsh realities and hard truths, but that just makes that magic period of childhood so much more important. The concept of God is something full grown adults struggle with, and we have to learn how to have faith before we can truly attain it.

Because I’m going to tell it straight out: A man who delivers elven crafted toys around the world in a single night, riding a sleigh with flying reindeer that must fly faster than the speed of light, who also lives at the North Pole, is much easier to believe than the concept of an omnipotent being that exists outside time and space and created us all.

And now for something completely different.

Well two things really.

The first is another Facebook post from one of my friends about how when she was a kid she always figured she would be normal when she grew up. This got me to thinking…I was the same way. When I was a child, I didn’t relate well to others. It seemed like I was about three steps ahead of most of the people around me which was probably a result of my mother not putting me in gifted classes in kindergarten, for which I am grateful for the social skills I did develop. I am, and always have been an introvert. As a general rule, I don’t talk to strangers, and sometimes I don’t even talk to people I know when I seem them in every day settings. The friends I have made are more like family to me, brothers and sisters who chose each other…which is also an oddity of my life and something else that sets me apart. There are a laundry list of things I could natter on about, but you get the point…I am FAR from “normal”.

But I have to ask you this…who really wants to be?

Most people do, but not because they are unhappy with themselves or their weirdness. It’s more like they don’t want to be the ugly duckling, or the black sheep. But what we’ve got to realize is there aren’t any pretty ducks, or white sheep. Everyone who is so called “normal” is just hiding their weirdness. They aren’t as open or comfortable about it, or it’s not something that comes up in every day conversation.

In this scenario, “normal” is cake.

And as we know…the cake is always a lie!

 

Happy Holidays,

CG

Experiments, Beta Testing, and Skyrim

Okay, so this is going to be a LONG post…I’ve been a busy man lately and I have wanted to review Skyrim but it sucked me in…and then I was beta testing SWTOR this past weekend so didn’t even have a chance to play Skyrim more, and I also want to talk about other things in my life. Feel free to skip to the sections that interest you if you wish.

Experiments in Life Hacking

So, last week I had a little bit of money and decided to download some stuff on to my Kindle. I got a couple of recreational books and I saw this one:

The 4-Hour Body: An Uncommon Guide to Rapid Fat-Loss, Incredible Sex, and Becoming Superhuman

Now, the sex part didn’t interest me because I am not getting any at the moment, but the rest…rapid fat-loss, I am in! Becoming superhuman? Okay! So I downloaded it. And I started reading. The author approaches things with a practical mindset. He says at one point that he doesn’t expect you to believe everything he says, but to don’t let it stop you from trying it. He’s not a doctor, or a scientist, just a dude who wanted to get the most out of his diet and workouts and found some interesting little shortcuts.

Okay, man, I am still listening.

So as I am reading, I started searching for something from this book to try. I mean changing my eating habits isn’t the easiest thing…I want to try something small first to see if it works. Skepticism at it’s finest. So out of all the things I decide to try taking cold showers instead of warm ones. Pretty simple right? Well besides cold showers being used to treat depression (which scientists are still scratching their heads over why it works) the book claims it jump starts your metabolism if you take one immediately upon waking. Now I have only been doing this for 5 days (the requisite number, apparently, for humans to ingrain some activity as part of their routine…from the book) but I have felt a dramatic uplift in my mood, and analyzed my reaction to this not so great activity. Since I have been taking scalding hot showers all of my life the transition was not easy.

Friday, Day 1 – Have to really psyche myself up to get into the water, and it is a constant act of will to stay there. Make it through about 5 minutes of the ten minutes recommended time.

Saturday, Day 2 – At home now, actually woke up and had a mini anxiety attack about taking a cold shower. Finally snapped myself out of it by calling myself an idiot for freaking out about a SHOWER, and comforting myself with the thought of only 4 days left. Eased into the cold more and set an alarm to be sure I stay in for 10 minutes. After my shower experience an immediate spike in happiness and can’t help but grin the rest of the day.

Sunday, Day 3 – Have a smaller anxiety attack, but this is curbed by the mood spike I had. Imagine that, I enjoy being happy. No problem staying in the whole time.

Monday, Day 4 – Ambivalent about the cold shower at this point, just want to get it over with. Found out a better way to acclimate myself to the cold, so the shower is not so torturous.

Tuesday, Day 5 – Actually woke up looking forward to taking my shower, quest complete.

Now, it remains to be seen if this has any effect on my metabolism or weight especially since I am only quasi-dieting (I do my best!!). But I know, for the mood lifting alone it was worth it, and I don’t even feel like it is an inconvenience any more. So maybe this guy has a few things right…but anyway, kind of cool, huh?

Beta Testing and Initial Thoughts on Skyrim

So I was in the SW:TOR beta this past weekend. It is a TON of fun. To quote one of my friends last night “It’s like this game is a drug, and now they are taking away my stash…”, It has an AMAZING story line for an MMO, great character development, and I was worried the grouping would be clunky, not as much fun, or not as rewarding. But there are some missions that absolutely require you to have a group or use your companion (about 50 to 75% equivalent to a group member) and take up a LOT of slack for them. Other than that you can go into other people’s class missions (read storyline) and help them with their objectives, and of course do the open world missions with them. One of the truly awesome things is the group dialog system. Basically, whenever you talk to an NPC you go into a conversation and get multiple options kind of like Mass Effect if you have ever played that. Well if you are in a group you all pick, and a random roll is done to see who actually speaks. Now, you don’t get Light Side or Dark Side points if the person wins, you get the points from whatever option you chose but it creates an interesting dynamic, and a real flow of conversation where the entire group is chiming in at some point and getting a chance to speak. And also an illusion of competition (“Yeah that’s right! I win! We look like buttholes now! HA!” And yes that actually happened) for group conversations that is fun and engaging. Another point, although we just did the first one, are the Flashpoints which are SWTOR’s “dungeons”, This is not your daddy’s dungeon crawl kids. When my buddies and I got to the space port to leave the Jedi planet we had two options…a personal shuttle to Coruscant OR fly first class on this freighter with your friends. I was like “Sweet, we get to kick it on this freighter” and so you are going along…we tried to gamble but they wouldn’t let us because we were Jedi and might cheat…suddenly you are attacked, and the “dungeon” begins. But really, to steal my friend’s summary of it, it feels more like an extended quest line than an instance. It was such a natural extension of the world, and well…fun. The ONLY way we found it hard was *gasp, shock* my friend had to mostly sit back and heal on the boss fights. 😛 I am glad I had to money to preorder the game, because it’s going to be a long two weeks…I can’t imagine waiting longer.

And now for something completely different.

The Elder Scrolls…ah, I have loved thee since Morrowind. I have played Oblivion for over 72 hours, had a completely maxed out character, and beat nearly every quest line in the game. Enter Skyrim. At first, I was like “Wait! Where are my ‘classes’? I don’t have to pick skills? No statistics? WHAT IS HAPPENING!” but I kept playing and it is interesting that a natural set of skills kind of extends out of your play style. So I like that…and you aren’t running around for 3 hours trying to let stuff hit you so you can level up your block/heavy armor skill to get those last few points of endurance. (Don’t judge me, maxing out every stat in Oblivion takes dedication!) My only complaint so far is that some things are based on your level (mostly instanced areas, caves and the like) but the open world is not. Which while interesting, sucks when you, the Dovakhim savior of all, running like a scared little girl from a Frost Troll because he regenerates faster than you can do damage to him. Yeah, bud, don’t worry, I will be back… Killing dragons is epic, every quest line is good enough to distract you from the main one, and as long as you develop at least a few skills devoting to killing stuff you are good to go. My first character was more sneaky and kind of got into trouble…so my second character for a long time I played as an agile warrior until her combat skills were up to snuff. So just a warning. Also, I will have a much more in depth look once I finish the main story line…but that could take time as I keep getting distracted chasing butterflies (for alchemy ingredients I swear!!), crafting, and doing the thief and mage missions…not to mention I haven’t even found the Dark Brotherhood, but I know they are around somewhere.

So initial thoughts. It’s awesome. Go buy it. 😀

Well, kids, that’s all for today. Time to get the day started!

Walking Down Memory Lane…

Finally. Sorry I have been gone for so long. I have been moving, and then I was having trouble posting because my internet at my new place doesn’t seem to like WordPress much. I don’t know what changed but luckily I can post again. So…here we go.

 

Had the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner for my friend’s wedding tonight. It was…well a wedding rehearsal. The dinner part was…okay. But really the part I enjoyed was afterwards hanging out at my bro’s house with everyone. It’s so great to see all of my old high school friends again and talk about how they are doing in their lives. We have always been closer than just friends…more like a family, and when we get back together it’s like we never left. I hope we always stay that way…it’s a great feeling. It is especially great to have a support group outside of your family. I always feel like my family HAS to love me and support me, but my friends chose me. Or…well…we chose each other.

And one of them, who I have never really gotten along with kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Of course, she has been doing it for years so I don’t know why that would have changed. First she scolded me like I was five years old for using language she didn’t approve of. Which I respect the sentiment, and usually try and avoid using foul language around people who are bothered by it, but she could have been nicer about it. She also asked me if I knew about this big life changing decision she is making, and when I told her I knew already she launched into talking about it, and how she was kind of sad because if she did it she would miss going to our ten year high school reunion and seeing people’s reactions. I told her not to feel bad, that I would probably miss our ten year reunion too because I might be going to school far away. And she just kind of brushed it off and turned away from me. Self-absorbed much?

Then on top of that, if she does go for it, I feel like she is making a bad decision. I don’t feel like she has done everything she can with what she has. She has an amazing degree, and I assume a passion for what she studied in college, but didn’t do anything with it afterwards…I am guessing because it was probably too hard. I get that…I’ve written here before that I feel like I have never really challenged myself, and that I have always taken the easy way out and done just enough to scrape by. It is kind of funny, because I remember a time when she was in school that she made me feel like an utter failure for dropping out…and yet now I feel like she has completely given up on whatever her dreams were and is settling for a life-decision that she can’t take back. At least I am still trying to better myself and realize my dreams…although the last couple of weeks have been kind of bumps in my road. Thinking about all this tonight also reminds me of the best advice I ever got from my Dad and that was “You don’t fail until you stop getting up and trying again.” You hear similar things all the time, but coming from a man who barely graduated high school, dropped out of college, and still managed to create an amazing life for himself and touch so many people that my Mom’s church was full to overflowing with people to pay their respects when he passed was absolutely inspiring.

I just wish I was close enough to this girl to actually sit her down and say some of this and have it get across. But the truth is ever since I had a crush on her in high school we have never been close…maybe she thinks I still feel that way, I don’t know. I hate to see anyone in my adopted family, even someone who ruffles my fur more often than not, making such a permanent decision and not doing it for the right reasons.

But hey, maybe I’m wrong and she does have all the right reasons. Only God knows if she does.

CG

 

COMING SOON: Review of Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim….once all the wedding craziness dies down.

Smart phones…dumb prices.

I just don’t understand the pricing on the phones that I want…it seems ridiculous.

Xperia Play Pantech Breakout DROID Incredible 2 HTC Trophy Thunderbolt
Price(*) 99.99 149.99 199.99 199.99 249.99
4G Ready No Yes No No Yes
Memory 8 GB 8 GB 16 GB 16 GB 8 GB
Camera 5 MP 5 MP 8 MP Rear/ 1.3 MP Front 5 MP 8 MP Rear/ 1.3 MP Front
Mobile Hotspot Yes Yes Yes No Yes

So this is a table of the things that seem to matter, at least as I understand it, from the list of tech specs off of the Verizon Wireless site. So to me, the price differences make utterly no sense. If you care about your phone’s camera…get a digital camera. You can get an 8 MP camera for 50 bucks. Granted that’s the cheapest, but still. I can see paying a little more for memory, but don’t most smart phones have microSD slots to upgrade the memory? Also cheaper than paying 100 bucks more. Now the ONLY thing I can see is the 4g. I would be willing to pay more for that…but I don’t know how much faster it really is…not to mention if it is more per month. If it’s not significantly faster…then what’s the point?

So, the front runner is definitely the Xperia Play at this point. Unless one of my more smart phone loving tech savvy readers gives me a reason to pick another one.

Well, as always, thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy this installment, and see you next time!

CG

Miles To Go Before I Sleep…

Okay, so I’ve been bad about keeping up with this…just haven’t had much to talk about. Although soon Skyrim will be out and I will be salivating over it and will probably post a lot about how awesome it is and how much I want to play it. 😛

Until then, well I just post when I have something I want to say…and today I have a lot.

So first, let’s start with back in high school I was a part of this amazing group of people called Venture Crew 203. Now the Venture Crews started out as a special patrol that was an adjunct of the Boy Scout troop but over the years they let us break away and become an independent entity. We were also co-ed…boys and girls could join with impunity. And I actually didn’t find out until we went to a Scout-O-Rama as a crew that all the other crews in our area didn’t do nearly the exciting and cool stuff we did. We did tons of backpacking and rock climbing/rappelling, and I learned quite a few lessons from these experiences that apply to me even today.

However, the most important thing I feel like I learned from these experiences and mostly backpacking was that you always push yourself to the limits…and then a little farther. And every time I did I always found that my limit wasn’t ever where I thought it was. It was way beyond that, and even then I could push myself farther until I was ready to collapse. As soft indoor dwelling people, our minds rebel at the thought of walking 10 miles in a day, and then add on 30 to 50 pounds on to your back to make this feat seem impossible. But it can be done, quite easily once you remove the mental blocks and just believe in yourself. The backpackers call this “hitting the wall”. You get to this point where you feel like you can’t go on any more, and then you get a second wind. It’s like something clicks in your head and your brain goes “Oh, this isn’t so bad, I can keep going!” Now obviously, eventually, you will reach the end of your endurance…but that end is much, much further than most people think. And even knowing this and having experienced it before it’s hard to go through it again and again. Every trail is a new challenge.

So, why am I talking about this? Because last night I was thinking, as I often do, about my life and where I stand. And I quickly realized something. I have never reached my limit academically or mentally. I’ve never truly pushed myself and found the end. I’ve gotten discouraged and stopped, I’ve let myself be distracted by other things, I’ve let myself be lazy and do just enough to scrape by. And every time I have applied myself, everything is too easy and I wonder why I am trying so hard to accomplish something so small. As a result, I have never even gotten close enough to the “wall” to give up.

But also, I feel like I don’t have the motivation and focus on my own to study and really push myself. I know…weak right? But even backpacking I had my Dad and the other leaders pushing me so I could get there. And that’s what I need…a learning environment where the teachers will push me to be my best. BPCC was great for that…I loved the teachers and all of them pushed me and did their best to challenge me and let me push myself without moving too fast for the other people. And I could tell by the end that my advisor knew me too well because she said “Are you sure you are going to be challenged enough by these classes? We both know you struggle when you are bored.”

So, this is all leading up to…I want to go back to school. And it would be AWESOME if I could go some place like Full Sail and study game development, or game design. But truthfully that is just kind of a pipe dream. I don’t have the money and I don’t know how I would get the financial aid without having to take massive, massive student loans out…and my credit is terrible (well more non-existent).

But it bothers me how easily my Mom dismissed it. I mentioned going back to school to her and she tried to talk me out of it and said I need to try and get a job and just get some money coming in. And I understand…I am 26, I am getting older every day…I can’t go on living on my family’s mercy. But I went back to BPCC in the first place to get a stupid piece of paper so I could say I have a degree. Obviously that isn’t everything since it has been almost 6 months and I haven’t found a job yet. And there is a part of me that HUNGERS for knowledge, and a need to push myself as far as I can go for once and reach that limit and say “Enough…this is it…I’ve found the end.”  To not have her support, hurts me a lot. She’s always supported me…and now that I want to go back to school and try and realize my potential her discouragement (especially considering my whole family pushed me into going into college right out of high school when I wasn’t sure I was ready) is well…discouraging.

But then, part of me realizes I can’t settle. After seeing all those inspiring quotes by Steve Jobs after he passed away, and rewatching his commencement speech to Stanford in 2005 more than ever I am resolved to do what I love. I have to do this, I have to realize my potential and be everything I can be. Otherwise, I am failing myself and everyone else by being less than what I could be.

Well, thanks for reading, although this was more a “I need to get this out before I scream” kind of post. I will try and get back on the weekly gaming posts and try and find stuff to talk about more often.

CG

We all want to be a Sith when we grow up…

Found this on my Twitter Feed one day, and loved it.

And I thought of it again today after sitting and contemplating something one of my friends said. She made a statement about me after I slowed down approaching an intersection where I didn’t have a stop sign, and she asked me why. I said because I am a cautious driver, and she replied “That doesn’t surprise me you are cautious in everything” and I honestly didn’t know whether to be complemented or offended. It never occurred to me to argue with her about it, because well…I know it. Left on my own I don’t take risks, and while I sometimes spend more money than I can afford to on video games that is about the only stupid/risky/silly thing I do. I walk through life cautiously, and I don’t make many waves. I do stand up for myself but more often than not it doesn’t bother me to do what people ask especially if it is something easy to do.

And in reality I am much more Jedi than Sith.

The Jedi Code

Emotion, yet peace.

Ignorance, yet knowledge.

Passion, yet serenity.

Chaos, yet harmony.

Death, yet the Force.

It’s not a conscious thing really, but life has taught me temperance. I don’t get my hopes up, or get very excited about…well anything. Why? Because people let you down, leave you, and over all have to walk their own path through life. Even the most important people in your life you just cross paths with for a time, and then you have to go back. The only exception to this is your significant other, but in times when I am alone temperance reigns. And it’s hard to be passionate and excited about…well…anything. Practice makes perfect I guess.

It’s odd though because I can read these next words and feel so…moved.

The Sith Code

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

Through passion, I gain strength.

Through strength, I gain power.

Through power, I gain victory.

Through victory, my chains are broken.

The Force shall free me.

Now, undoubtedly in Star Wars the Sith are evil. Their quest for power, and victory over everyone leads to wanton killing, mass murder, and the genocide of the Jedi. But their goals are so…noble. They want freedom, pure and simple. The freedom to act as they wish, and enough power not to have to worry about the consequences. There is something admirable about that. Pure freedom, of course, is impossible if you wish to have any kind of working society. But sometimes I wish I could just take my brain out for a night, and put down my rules, and just let loose. But I don’t have that power, or rather don’t have the right catalyst to create enough of a desire to do that.

However, I agree with that little boy…I want to be a Sith when I grow up.

So, which do you think you follow? The Jedi? Or the Sith?

Which Code appeals to you more?

And as always, thanks for reading and feel free to check out my other posts.

The Jedi and Sith Code were found on The Wookieepedia

Wishlist Wednesday: The Secret World

Well, trying this new thing…decided I am going to try and give a preview of a game I currently really want to play on Wednesdays…and probably review a game at least once a week. So coming up this weekend I will be writing a review for Dead Island, but right now I am here to talk about an upcoming MMO, The Secret World. Let’s start with some trailers:

Okay so now that you have watched all of that, a few interesting details that to me makes this my most anticipated MMO of 2012.

The setting is completely modern, and there are 3 different factions to join: the Dragons, the Illuminati, and the Templars. You can cast magic, fight with weapons, and completely customize your skills. There are over 500 different skills and abilities to learn and improve, and the system is an open classless system. What this also means is that there is no “level” system persay, as you gain experience you get access to more skills but you can only use so many at one time. Which means you can still play with your buddy that plays ten times as much as you do (important for people like me who often get burned out and stop playing quite as much). You can group up in PvE with members of opposing factions but in PVP you will be against them (good for my group of online gaming friends because we can never agree on one faction). And randomly generated dynamic events and quest lines that actually seem to matter in the story. All in all, seems like an amazing game, and should be out April 2012.

Well that is this week’s Wishlist Wednesday, I hope you enjoyed my review, and sometime later this week look for a review of Dead Island.

CG

So A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum…

Just finished watching my latest Netflix movie, It’s Kind Of A Funny Story. And ya know…it is kind of a funny story. How the main character felt is almost exactly how I felt in high school. I mean there couldn’t be anything wrong with me…I couldn’t be depressed. What reason did I possibly have? I realize now of course, on the other side looking back, that my friend April was right and I probably should have gotten some help. But I made it through…it was rough sometimes but I made it. And it wasn’t like I didn’t, or don’t have people to talk to. It’s more like I was raised not to hand off my problems to someone else. I mean, life doesn’t deal out anything I can’t handle right? I was always treated like I was smarter, and more put together but the truth was I always felt like it was a thin fragile little shell that I was balancing and dropping one little thing would lead to this huge cycle of failure and disappointment in me.

Now, of course, thanks to certain people who helped me throw off the zombie I had become and be a person again, and a couple of years of hardcore shyness slaughtering thanks to debate I actually have a face to present to the world instead of a facade. And more than that I think everyone around me recognizes that I move in a little circle of my own power instead of hanging onto the edges of other people like I always used to. I always envied the jocks, and the preppy kids in high school because it seemed like they were so confident and together for the most part, but I have a feeling that was all a lie kind of like mine was. It’s good to have come to a place where I actually am confident in my own abilities, and can find self motivation enough to actually WANT to get out and do things.

My bro, Paul posted a song on his Facebook tonight saying it was going through his head and it was such a blast from the past I have to share it with you. It kind of fits my mood tonight.

“I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down…”

So, it’s kind of a funny story…being reminded of how much I have changed from the kid I was. I can still remember everything if I try…and when I was depressed I cursed my memory because it was like raking my heart over hot coals. But that time of my life also taught me how to deal with sadness, and pressure, and stress so now I know that no matter what life brings, I will always be okay.

What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger, right?

 

Anyway, sorry for the sad stuff tonight, that movie got me thinking about the past. Tomorrow lookout for another game I really want! See you then!

Philosophy Friday: Instincts vs Reason

Sometimes I feel like I am two people in the same body. And I don’t mean in the multiple personality sense…like there’s not a Kenneth, and a Jake running around inside my head. The two sides are the subject of this blog. And it seems like they are at war with one another a lot.

First, let my clarify my meanings so we can be on the same page. There are many times when I have discussed philosophy with friends and been frustrated and angry only to realize we are using different terms for the same things and misunderstanding each other. When I speak of instinct I am talking about base impulses, gut feelings, intuitive responses…basically almost anything we feel rather than think. You don’t choose to love someone it just happens, you don’t choose to fear something it just happens. Now your reason and willpower can overcome those emotions and allow you to make decisions you might not otherwise, but the instincts/impulses remain. And there I have kind of covered what I mean by reason as well. Reason is using your higher brain functions, willpower, and logic to overcome or react to problems.

Now on to why I want to talk about this. I spend a lot of time trying to be a rational, civilized person, and for the most part I am wildly successful. But often I wonder how much other people struggle, how often everyone else has to rein in their instincts in order to be “civilized” and if that is even a good thing. And more and more I find myself trying to trust my instincts, because pure (or as close to pure as I can get) reason has just continually screwed up my life over and over. And I am in a situation now where all my instincts are screaming not to do something, but my reason keeps reining them back and saying give it a chance.

So I guess what I am wondering is this:

How much do you struggle against your base impulses and instincts?

Without knowing the details, should I “go with my gut” or trust my reasoning skills?

Do you think we are better off civilized or did we lose too much when we stopped following our instincts?

 

I look forward to hearing your replies, and feel welcome to check out the rest of my posts.

CG